I leave to go home super early this morning. I get this icky feeling in my stomach every time I go back to see my family. It's either that or the drugs I'm on. I'm assuming that's why even though I got released from the hospital 12 hours ago and have to leave in an hour, I couldn't sleep. I was just lying in bed wondering why going home is stressful.
It's partly because I'm so different from the rest of my family. Partly because I feel like I have to be "on" all the time (though my family will certainly tell you I am not very successful at this). Partly because I always want to be a little better than the last time I saw them - how I look, how many friends I have, how much fun I am. Partly because I have this deep, prideful desire to show them that I am okay - married or not, kids or not, that I am a contributing member to society. And MOSTLY because I realize how ridiculous all of that just sounded and I worry why I can't just smile and have fun.
To my family: I am excited to see you. I know you love me, even if I can be insecure and a little dramatic.
we all KNOW you are okay. and we love you.
ReplyDeleteFriend, those thoughts are totally valid. I think we ALL feel that to a certain extent. We DO love you :)
ReplyDelete